You can plan every aspect of your wedding — expect the wedding toasts. Anyone who has ever been to a wedding knows that toasts can be a bit hit and miss. Sometimes they go on too long, sometimes they are full of inside jokes that you don’t get, and sometimes, just sometimes, people say awful, embarrassing and cringeworthy things that leave you squirming.
Thanks to the power of the internet, we’ve rounded up some truly terrible toasts.
Best man to the groom: “(Groom’s name), man I love ya, you know I do. I hope you thought about this and that this is what you really, really, really want.”
“To the bride and groom — 60% or marriages end in divorce and in the rest, you live happily until death. Here’s hoping you die.”
I went to a wedding where the bride’s dad basically said the bride had always been strong willed and stubborn (citing really embarrassing childhood stories) and it was a miracle she found someone to put up with her.
The maid of honor (the bride’s sister) not only talked about herself during the whole speech, she also mentioned the possibility of an affair between herself and her sister’s new husband.
No thanks, Sis!
My cousin gave a horrible toast at her younger sister’s wedding a few years ago. She began by saying that she never liked her sister’s new husband throughout high school and that, “Today he’s still at the level of slightly below the scum on the bottom of a dirty waste pond.”
I attended a family wedding where the best man speech ran on for 40 minutes. Not only that but it was loaded with stories of how the groom wasn’t attracted to the bride, wasn’t interested in dating her, or stories of him getting drunk and into trouble.
Choose your friends wisely
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding where the best man gave a toast about how cheap the groom was and how they’d been friends all their lives but the wedding was the first free meal he’s ever been offered by the ‘cheapskate.’
Jill, I mean Jane, I mean Jennifer
During the toast the groom’s dad (after many drinks) said that he was so happy for his son and his beautiful wife Sara. But his wife’s name wasn’t Sara, his ex-girlfriend’s was.
A buddy of mine had been dating a girl for 6 years during college and afterwards. They broke up, he met another woman and got engaged. His best man knew both girls and liked them both. He toasted the couple and referred to her as “Laura” (the old girlfriend’s name). The bride tossed a drink in his face and ran out.
My cousin got married in September and the priest told them to buy a sex position book during his sermon.
The best man got up (extremely drunk) and started out with this beautiful speech going on about how long he’d known the groom, how good of friends they were, and how much he loved him…which is why he felt like a terrible friend for allowing the wedding to happen without telling him that the bride was having an affair with one of the groom’s friends.
Maid of Dishonor
Maid of honor gets up and says, “Groom, if you knew Bride as well as I do I seriously doubt you’d be getting married.”